Menopocalypse by Amanda Thebe

Menopocalypse: How I Learned to Thrive During Menopause and How You Can Too by Amanda Thebe
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Menopocalypse by Amanda Thebe

This book came highly recommended by many of the fitness coaches I follow. It is about women’s menopause. I know many would instantly click away since it is not relevant to you at all, but if you are a woman who is nearing or in her 40s, or you know a woman who is nearing or in her 40s I suggest you give this review a wee bit time.

It is close to impossible to summarise the book, since I find that a single read through is not sufficient and one might have to go through relevant sections again. But I shall try and enlist the core sections and how they can help.

The author is a personal trainer with 20 years experience in fitness industry. This book is her attempt to demystify menopause for everyone, having gone through the worst set of symptoms herself and thrown into huge chaos.

The book first has a good explanation of what menopause is, the role of hormones in a woman’s life, how they change during menopause and what the effects could be. The experience can be so varied with some just sailing into menopause smoothly and some struggling with a myriad of issues and others somewhere between the two extremes. The author then goes through all the medical interventions possible today including HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy).

The second part of the book is about lifestyle changes. Nutrition, exercise, activity, stress management, mindfulness, sleep and recovery - each of these is explained in depth , with doable action items on each front. What makes this book a real treasure is she actually gives a doable workout program, explains each move with pictures and cues. For those uninitiated in strength training, you are not left at sea with the motherhood instruction “Start strength training”.

Most women don’t know enough about menopause, and even peers talk about it to each other in cryptic whispers. This book blew the lid open for me on what it can be, how I can help myself when I encounter a symptom or change. Many things in the book really resonated with me.

Women spend their entire lives putting themselves last in the list of priorities. Whether working or homemaker, its the same. In the book the author really stresses the importance of placing oneself first at least at this stage of life.

The author repeatedly stresses on the fact that as women, we should take agency over our menopause experience and not suffer silently. Things can be better if we try and find ways by medical interventions and lifestyle changes.

She also says over and over again, work on everything we can control. There are things in our control such has lifestyle, and things not in our control such as hormonal swings. The first CAN mitigate the effects of the second to a very large extent.

If you have read till here and decide to check out the book, please don’t get intimidated by the book cover. Please don’t think its for fitness buffs who what to get big and muscular. Trust me, this book is for every woman who wants to have an informed and empowered menopause experience.

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Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return by Marjane Satrapi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Persepolis 1 and 2 are the first books into my tentative foray into graphic literature.

This set is a delight! Its a coming of age account of the author in the backdrop of the quickly changing situation in Iran. Unfortunately I do not have much insight about the land, its culture and its history but it is something I shall attempt to correct in the future.

The illustrations are so apt, convey enough depth at the same time being light. The beautiful moments of life whether tragedy or humorous are so well etched. I had a smile whenever I picked up either book to read. Its like a pleasant sweet carriage ride on a summer afternoon, the views outside pleasant and sometimes unpleasant.

Highly recommended.

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The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have been putting off writing this review because I honestly don't think I can do justice to the spirit of the book. Nevertheless, I shall try.

This is my first book by Matt Haig. There is something about him, else who will come up with such a fantastical, other-worldly idea to convey something basic, simple but not easy.

We live our lives making choices and these lead us down one path and not another. We have regrets about the choices we made and think that if only we had chosen differently, life would have been oh-so-much-better. Something like 'If only I had done better at college, if only I had chosen a different career, if only ...if only...if only.' And what if we get a chance to see how each choice would pan out, and see the consequences, and then, can choose the perfect set of choices for a perfect life, would that not be wonderful?

'Between life and death there is a library, and within that library, the shelves go on forever. Every book provides a chance to try another life you could have lived. To see how things would be if you had made other choices...Would you have done anything different, if you had the chance to undo your regrets?'

Perhaps this book came at a time in my life when I needed it, but the core learning is something we all would do good to be aware of and live by. Hopefully I have piqued your interest enough to make you want to read it.

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Anxious People by Fredrick Backman

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I am in love! This book is like a gust of fresh air after a long time indoors, or a cool dip in water in peak summer. Really!

This is my first book by Fredrik Backman and I really didn't know what to expect. A few pages in, I was like "Wow! This is a delight!!" Only then did I look up and discover Fredrik Backman is a Swedish author and this is a translation. I am left thinking, if the translation is so good, the original must be so much more touching, and also that the translator Neil Smith has succeeded in reaching readers in another language. Hats off! The only other Swedish author I have read was Stieg Larsson whose Millenium Trilogy I have really enjoyed.

The book is about love and loss, normal everyday moments, mental health, gender and sexuality, infidelity and divorce, death, desperation, alcoholism, ambition, and the need to do the right thing, in short - normal human experiences. It's like a goldilocks zone for each character. Just enough depth to feel for each of them and relate to them and without feeling too heavy because each is a human experience. Funny at so many places that I found myself laughing loudly and then at a blind corner comes a human tragedy, sucked the wind out of my lungs. What beautiful balance!!!

Fredrik Backman is my latest favourite author and this book is easily the best I have read in a long time. So much so, his debut book is waiting on my to-read shelf to be consumed very soon.







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The Vanishing Half - Book Review

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Was not too entranced with the entirety of the book. Loved some parts, didn't enjoy many others.

Its about a pair of twins who split and how their lives turn out. The book spans 1968-1999.

The lack of grief and searing loss at the death of a father.
How little the character of the mother is known. You never get to know her.
The twins, its impossible to know one without the other. And as a reader you end up with exactly that. Not knowing either.
The character of the trans man and crossdressers felt like they were added just to make the cast eclectic. They lacked depth and any relevance.

The whole book felt like it was meant to just tick boxes to meet some criteria indecipherable to the reader.

Liked some interactions, some soft moments, and that held me to complete the book. But then I was just wondering all the while, okay, so, what is the meaning of all this!

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Apples Never Fall Book Review

Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I loved Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, was a bit sceptical aboutthis book matching the standard set.

Have to admit I liked this book VERY MUCH. There were some parts that worked for me and some that didn't.

I liked the whole of the Delaneys, how tennis consumed their life and how everything centred around the sport. The character of each of the Delaney siblings is so well etched, you kinda start relating some parts of some character to someone you know. For me, Joy's story was the best part. Her internal monologues, the universal mommy guilt, her seething resentment tempered with reason.

I don't care much for the non-linear narrative. The then and now keeps one hooked, but the material doesn't need this kind of a tool to engage the reader. I would have wished to know more about Savannah. Such a strong character and so little insight. And then there is this outlandish bit about ONE day's tiny events so many years ago impacting a whole lot.

Like with Big Little Lies,this book too can be adapted for screen.


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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the first book I have read in this genre but I do follow the author in her very popular Dear Therapist series in The Atlantic. I love the series and the insights it has to give.

Now that I have finished the book, I am amazed at how honest, transparent and vulnerable the author has been to put out the most raw and potentially insecure parts of her own life. That shows her strength of character and how rooted she is. Another thing that struck me about her was how she shifted her path not once, not twice, but thrice to find her true calling. Starting off as a writer in Hollywood, she then went to med school, and then to becoming a therapist investing years of work in each, excelling at each and figuring out what worked and what did not work for her.

Then there are the lives of her patients. She talks of them from a place of empathy and compassion and is honest enough to say when it is hard to have these with particularly difficult ones. As a reader, I could feel the pain, discomfort, shame that the patients did. There are SO MANY instances where I could relate to something in my own life or something I have witnessed with people in my circle. I shall not mention them all because there are way too many.

There are some things she has written which have stayed in my head. Forgive me for these are not direct quotes, but how I remember them.
- Change and loss travel together. How simple and how so loaded!!
- In the space between stimulus and response, is our choice. We cannot control the stimulus, but can always control the response.
- How we are prisoners in our own minds. Meaningful, positive outcomes come from opening the mind to other possibilities than the narrative we have always taken shelter in.
- How even the world of therapy has succumbed to the instant-results mantra of today. I was surprised though I shouldn't have been.
- There was a part in the book where she went strongly on how we are addicted to our devices. It felt like that part was written for me.

I feel I have to read the book again to understand the technical aspects which she sprinkles throughout in the context of specific instances with her patients or herself. I have to read it again to absorb some more.

Key take away from the book - the answers are within. Or maybe I have viewed it through that lens.
And looks like we could all benefit from some therapy.




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When healthy lifestyle is deemed uncool!!

For the most part of my life I was oblivious to taking care of my body and sailed along with all kinds of unhealthy habits. Perhaps the illusion of invincibility during youth does that to you. I made a switch to be watchful only very recently, and I say this to convey that I am not here to judge or demean the characters I seek to highlight here.

India Gate Quinoa Ads

This is the playlist of the India Gate Quinoa ad. A guy hogging on a bowlful of kebabs and thinking of paying his dues by early morning cardio. A lady having had three bowls of halwa and considering eating oats for breakfast, doing yoga, and paying the price by wearing salwar-kameez instead of jeans and t shirt. Another hero calculating a juicy burger's keemat with gym at 5 am, green tea, take his dog out for a walk/run. And all of them educate us ignorant masses that everything is under control because they are eating stuff made of quinoa!!! Nothing can touch them now!!!

I find this wrong and offensive at SO many levels. And I find it very unfortunate that a food brand actively reinforces so many unhealthy misconceptions.

My primary objection is to the whole idea that doing exercise is a punishment that detracts you from better things in life. Doing yoga, cardio, going to gym is NOT a huge sacrifice. It actually feels good after a workout people!!! To someone who is just beginning to exercise, it will seem like a torture session. That is just the mind's inertia. Once you cross that hurdle, in a few weeks time, you will look forward to your workout session.

Secondly, I am dismayed with the projection that just because something is made of quinoa, one can eat like there is no tomorrow. Ask any health or fitness professional, they will tell you this - there is no super-food that will keep you immune to piling on weight. It is a combination of smart choices, eating in moderation and exercising.If three bowls of moong dal halwa is wrong, so is three bowls of quinoa halwa. Period.

And finally, I am completely against the shaming of certain type of people. What is so uncool about salwar kameez? And why is jeans and tshirt superior? Why should the woman worry about her husband's roving eye to the sexy neighbour? Why does a man without six pack and with a paunch have to take his girlfriend to more expensive dates? When did these body types become so wrong? We are all normal people and we are all imperfect as per the mirage of perfect body that is thrust down our throats by media. Do this over and over again in digital and print media, you have a generation of people who only like to 'look' good and are not bothered about their physical and mental health.

I would love to see brands making ads within the framework of the greater good! Sell your quinoa, am not against marketing and branding. But do it the responsible way. Do not feed into the fears and insecurities of your audience and seek mileage out of it!

I would love to know your thoughts on this!

All the light we cannot see by Anthony Doerr

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A beautifully written book, haunting poetic prose with a very simple premise. Such few characters. The whole oppressive melancholy expressed in very muted fashion. And at the end it all tied together so well like zigzag puzzle. The blind Marie-Laurie and the brilliant Werner will stay in my heart for very long.



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Be the change you wish to see

This thought has been running in my head since morning and I had to try and put it into words. And when I did sit down to do so, my son asked me to look at the mouse-pad. It was very same thought!

When we encounter something that affects us, roils us up, saddens us, how do we act? After all the inner dialogue and perhaps discussion with peers on how wrong the event was, what do we do?

Some don't get affected. What happens in their surroundings does not matter much to them. I believe its called apathy. I am no one to judge anyone for being apathetic and my write up is not about it either.

There are some who just LOVE to crib. They can complain about anything and can blame the entire system for the state of affairs. Those are the very people who won't lift a finger to change anything for the better. Its easy to just complain and do nothing more. I know it is, because I did that till very recently.

And suddenly I understood one day, that its not enough to just complain. I need to do something about whatever it is that I don't like. It need not be a huge community altering change that I had to effect. Every small bit in whatever capacity I can, will help.

And with that, I had this second epiphany. I stopped complaining. Not because all problems vanished, but something inside me shifted.

Maybe that's why you will hardly see that the actual drivers of change hardly complain. They quietly do their work knowing fully well that things take time to ripen and mature. They are prepared to encounter and face challenges in the way and still continue their good work. They do not get bogged down or derailed by even the most vitriolic opposition. And by sheer will and good work, they inspire others to do the right thing.

Now I think I finally grasp these words 'Be the change you want to see in the world' by Gandhiji.

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Where do I start. Right at the beginning? The beginning is also at the end. How beautifully life comes a full circle.
I was drawn to Catherine who had to pay the price for being reckless in the rush of youth. I felt searing pain as Cyril grew up painfully shy and largely ignored.

But what hit me the most was the fear of being alone all life, never knowing love and companionship.

They say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. The casual bigotry by people who are not even aware of what they are doing, always being seen as aliens, always being in the defense of one's 'condition' was so hard to read, I had to take breaks, absorb and continue.

Not for a moment is the book depressive, the wry humour and narrative more than makes up for the heavy subject. I loved the way the whole story was narrated from every seventh year events.

A must-read book from my side.



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A viable alternative

Us women have this cross to bear, month after month, year after year and on and on till we get old. Yes, I am talking about periods, menstruation, chums or whatever you want to call it. A girl attains puberty and is quickly handed a pack of pads or tampons and taught by her mother about wearing it, keeping herself clean and how to carry herself. End of good, carefree life. Why, do you ask? Women are more active than ever. The 4-5 days do not mean that she is at home, cloistered and inactive. True. But think of the problems

There is the problem of disposal. Flushing down the toilet is a strict no-no. Wrapping and throwing it in the trash has its own problems. These do not biodegrade. These stay in the environment, rotting in the landfills, seeping into the soil, a breeding ground for bacteria and germs. I saw this first hand during a holiday to Andamans, in which we visited Neil Island. This island is sparsely populated, spic and span, you find entire pristine beaches without a soul in sight. The changing huts in the beach spoke another horror story though. The entire floor of the hut was strewn with used pads, smelling, rotting. They were dropped there by tourists like me. This ONE sight woke me up to the fact that the pads do not vanish. They are around us and the plastics in them are choking the environment slowly.
Something as natural as human blood and tissue logically cannot and should not lead to this much of unsustainable mess.

Second and more private problem is that of the smell. Pads smell awful after a few hours. The foul odor you notice when you change your sanitary pad after several hours is actually the smell of the dying red blood cells that nourish the growth of bacteria. You also develop bad odor during period because pads block the flow of air to your genital area.

What if I tell you there are better options out there to make this monthly experience easier, lesser cramps, and environmental friendly? Menstrual cup is one of the options.

A menstrual cup is a type of feminine hygiene product which is usually made of medical grade silicone, shaped like a bell and is flexible. It is worn inside the vagina during menstruation to catch menstrual fluid (blood). About every 4–12 hours (depending on the amount of flow), the menstruating woman removes the menstrual cup from her vagina, empties the collected menstrual blood into a toilet or sink, washes the cup under running water and inserts it again. At the end of the monthly period, the cup can be sterilized, usually by boiling in water. Unlike tampons and pads, the cup collects menstrual fluid rather than absorbing it.

I have been using menstrual cups for 3 years and

• I have none of the cramps that I did before making the shift. 
• I do have weird PMS and some lethargy during my period, but for the most time, I forget I am on my period. 
• I can sit, stand, walk, sleep however I want. I can turn and sleep however I want. No kidding. Women with heavy flow know what it is like to sleep with this constant prick about staining. None of that now. Really.
• I have nothing to dispose off. Zilch. No trash. No newspaper wrappings along with the trash. You know how liberating that is? You just walk into the loo and walk out. No surreptitious cover hidden in the folds of your clothes.
• No smell to deal with. Since there is no exposure to oxygen, the smell just does not come.
• No chafing and irritation and redness in thighs during the period. Simply because the offending pad does not exist anymore!
• The biggest plus I feel is it is environmental friendly. A cup can last several years if used and cleaned correctly.

So these are the pros. Are there no cons? Yes, there are some challenges, which can be handled.

• How easy is it to adapt? I will be honest here and admit that its not a breeze to getting used to a cup inside your vagina. You will need a lot of patience and some practice. But once you are used to the process, I promise, you will love the change.
• Are cups available in India? Yes of course. Many online sites have the cup and some even have guidance to select the right size.

                Select your cup size

• Are there videos explaining how to use? Yes, some links that I found

                 FAQ videos

                FAQs

• How expensive are the cups? Well, a cup costs several times a pack of pads will cost you, but you will more than compensate that within a year. Lets say your pads cost Rs 100 per month, and a cup costs Rs 800, after 8 months of using the cup, you have made up its cost. And it can last several years!!
• The sight of blood!!How bad will that be? Its not too awful, not anymore than handling the smelly pad during every change.
• Can we bathe, pee and poop with the cup ON? Of course! It does not impact any of the said activities. You can even go swimming!!
• Can young teenagers use the cup? Well, yes. They might have a bit more of a challenge since they are still gaining familiarity with their bodies. Technically the cup cannot tear the hymen if one is worried about this aspect. 
• Is there a support group for sustainable measures? Yes, this FB group 

            FB Support group

• Don't tampons do the same thing? Well tampons are still disposable and you end up contributing to the waste.

So are you willing to go the extra step and do the right thing? Help reduce plastic and needless waste? 

I did and no looking back now. I will never wear a pad again.

PS : The links given above are just those that I found. There are many more sites online. Please read up and choose the best option for you.

Six months on

Those who know me might describe me as short and on the heavier side at their charitable best. And those who don't would see a short and well obese woman. There were quite a few who tried to tell me to take care of my health in subtle and not so subtle means. Well meaning, I am sure, but ineffective because it did not motivate me at all.

And so, here I was, eating much more than what I ever used to, getting heavier and less confident in myself. Stamina was at an all time low. Just going out on an errand for a couple of hours would exhaust me for the whole day. Going for a walk felt miserable as I was low on energy and did not like the way I looked at all. I did not look forward to meeting people and dreaded social occasions. My demeanor had changed from a calm happy person to one who had anger issues. I had weekly headaches which had symptoms of mild migraine.

Till the day I started yoga six months ago. I chanced upon a private trainer who would come home and immediately signed up. And from then on, everything has only gotten better.

Jan 21 - Mar 20 2016
The first two months were tough. She would come 3 days a week and I had lots of aches and pains in the beginning. All I did the first two months were attend the classes. Did not go for walk, did not try to eat less, but automatically started eating less. Slowly I started feeling better, energy levels were up and headaches had vanished. I did not go near the weighing machine the first two months. I was scared there would be no change and I would get badly demotivated.

 Mar 21 - July 20 2016
End of two months(March 21), I felt I had improved somewhat in weight and energy and felt better about myself. I dared to check my weight. I started going for walks in the evening and slowly increased the duration of walks. Started doing yoga on the days my trainer did not come home.
I became more conscious about what I ate. Started a proper teatime snack at 4 pm(dates and rusk or makhana with tea), salad dinner a month back. Breakfast and lunch no change.  I did the 108 suryanamaskaars on June 21 and plan to do it at least once a month. I try and drink more water than I did before. I have incorporated Leslie walks and a few short routines in the evening. And am very happy to see a drop of 8 kg in 4 months. And with it, compliments and wishes to continue.

My major learnings :
1. Yoga really helped in increasing my stamina slowly. The aasans with right breathing do wonders to composure and calm the mind.
2. Clean eating came AFTER I saw results. I could never have started with a diet and yoga at the same time.
3. Hiring a private trainer was the best thing I did.
4. It took time for me to understand my body. I take more time and hence asked my trainer to change aasans once in two months rather than once a month.
5. I see that if I try to push a little, my body is willing to do better.
6. For me, I could not have started with a Leslie walk and continue it. The lack of stamina made it impossible.
7. Salad dinner got my digestive system right and I now have glowing skin!

And here I am, poised and confident about the rest of the journey.

The Martian by Andy Weir

The Martian by Andy Weir
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If someone had told me I would get hooked to a Science Fiction book and relate to many many moments in it, I would have laughed. But 'The Martian' caught me in its pincer grip and refused to let go until I had read the last page and closed it with a big 'whoa'.

Page turner? Absolutely yes.

Soppy emotions? Just the right teeny dash of it. I found myself rooting for potatoes to grow, desperate for the protagonist to establish some contact with earth, felt the rickety-bullock-cart type last ride to the one and only chance of coming back home.

Science? Loads of it. The kind  a 15 year old will grasp.

Set far in the future? Well, yes and its the foreseeable future. Not one where people fly around in their personal pods you know?

Stretch of imagination? Totally. What good is SciFi without a huge stretch of imagination!! The best part is all the scenarios and solutions are based on solid and known science.

The style of narration? Super! Simple and not dry and full of attitude. We are actually dealing with one very cool astronaut you see?

I thought this can be made into a great movie. Duh! Just got to know its already happening. I know, I know, I have been an ostrich with its head buried in sand.

And (I HAD to put this here, my Indian sensibilities force my hand) is it only me who finds the name 'Venkat Kapoor' strange?

Go ahead, read this book and enjoy the ride!!!


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Share the pain.....

We have often heard and read that it helps to talk to someone about negative feelings and experiences. We do not hesitate to share good tidings with all and sundry. But when it comes to aches and pains that life throws at us, we are very choosy about sharing it. Most times, it gets buried without finding expression.

There are rare occasions I vent out. And I now realise that it has helped.

When Sid was very small and I was still working, I landed an opportunity for an overseas assignment, albeit a short one. Since we did not want to leave him completely at the maid's care for the entire duration, we decided to leave him at my parents'. I went to Coimbatore, left him there and returned to Mumbai by flight. Ahh… this whole event is easily covered in just a sentence. But leaving him and returning alone was hell. The wait at Coimbatore airport was unadulterated misery. I do not remember the rest of the journey, I still remember the terrible wait at the Coimbatore airport. 

From then on, every time I stepped at Coimbatore airport, the same misery would rise up like bile. Even when Sid was with me, I would still tear up at the association. 

After several years, in one of my chats with Appa, I narrated the whole thing, stressing upon the pain I felt every time I went to the airport. And now, I suddenly realise, Coimbatore airport is no longer an evil place in my mind. It is like any other airport. 

I can attribute this cleansing to time. I would rather attribute it to expressing it to a person, who was in tune with what I said and felt what I did. Or it is a combination of both.

Do you have such experiences? Or do you feel it is cathartic to just live out the pain and emerge clean after.

The Levellers

I remember reading this poem long back, during school. I was mighty impressed then with the thought that there is this great equaliser to which everyone must bow. I quote this poem here

Death the Leveller

By James Shirley (1596-1666)

---

THE glories of our blood and state 
         Are shadows, not substantial things; 
There is no armour against Fate; 
         Death lays his icy hand on kings: 
         Sceptre and Crown 
         Must tumble down, 
         And in the dust be equal made 
With the poor crooked scythe and spade. 

Some men with swords may reap the field, 
         And plant fresh laurels where they kill: 
But their strong nerves at last must yield; 
         They tame but one another still: 
         Early or late 
         They stoop to fate, 
And must give up their murmuring breath 
When they, pale captives, creep to death. 

The garlands wither on your brow, 
         Then boast no more your mighty deeds! 
Upon Death's purple altar now 
         See where the victor-victim bleeds. 
         Your heads must come 
         To the cold tomb: 
Only the actions of the just 
Smell sweet and blossom in their dust. 

____________________________________________

While death is the greatest leveller, I can think of a few more. 

Seen a school while the process of admissions are on? Anxious parents and well prepared kids. The blackberry toting father has left his baggage of ego and aggressive demeanour back home. Parents are their humblest selves at the schools of their kids.

Hospitals? A sick person, however high and mighty, has to experience the pain. He cannot escape the course of the disease. At best, he may manage to get the most effective treatment, but still cannot escape the side effects, the pain.

I am in the process of renewing my passport. For those, who haven't seen the system in India, I can succinctly say, passport office is extremely crowded, but not chaotic. There is an order and its only the sheer numbers that increases the wait time and not the process by itself. So yes, the passport office is yet another leveller. There was this uneducated, elderly man right before me in the queue. There are couples with very small babies, mothers with several children in tow. There are those who are patient to wait and those who manage to get irked at the smallest imagined slight. You wait with all of them.

It is at such places one is reminded of the ground under their feet. Such places jolt one's head out of the clouds. 

So what other experiences can you count as levellers? Any thoughts?

What are we missing!!

A particularly long and stressful day when everything happened to need immediate attention and when every single task had to follow Murphy's Law (if something can go wrong, it WILL), had me desperate to relax and wind down by the end of it.

Reading a book was out of question. I was too stressed to even read, come to think of it. Mindless iPad games did not do the trick either and hence I found myself take a walk when the boys had dinner. Halfway through my walk, a cat startled me by jumping out of the mini-tree on the pathway and we both looked at each other straight in the eye. Neither of us broke the gaze, and I actually liked looking into the clear eyes of the cat. It would be presumptuous of me to say that the cat communicated something or that it showed me a large depth. Naah....

All it made me think of was that animals are colour blind. They do not see colour. They completely miss out on the blue sky and green grass and pretty flowers and everything else. I assume they see things in blacks, whites and greys? But then, a cat sees much better in the dark than we can ever hope to. It can see in the dark, so what if its all grey? A bat can emit sound waves at a much higher frequency than our ears can ever comprehend. A dog can smell things that we cannot. Our intelligence helps us understand that there are things we do not see, hear, smell. But that will never replace the experience, will it? Maybe we are built only to see seven colours and their combinations and not more. May be there are more colours. Yes, we know about infra red and ultra violet, but we do not see them anywhere do we? And may be there are colours of a totally different dimension than below red and above violet? In which case, we don't know what we are missing? Just like the cat will never know that it cannot see colours.

This train of thought humbled me and so it happened that the eyes of a stray cat did what no other activity could. I went back home, my normal calm self.

In the Shadow of the Banyan

In the Shadow of the Banyan by Vaddey Ratner
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It is rare to come across a book that jolts you and makes you weep. I am more than glad that I came across this one and read it.

This is set in the time of 1975-79 at Cambodia. The period of Khmer Rouge, the killing fields, the systemic breakdown of the fabric of the Cambodian society.

The story is that of a young 7 year old Raami who is forced to flee her home with her loved ones barely packing up what could be a few bundles. It is the story of loss, tribulation, of a seven year old who is forced to understand things that even adults would not want to. It is also a story of dreams, hope, beauty and the human want to survive at all odds.

When her father is taken away by the Khmer Rouge, the young Raami beseeches with him to not go away. She begs him to tell her one last story. If that doesn't break your heart, nothing will.

Her mother's fury at what she felt was abandonment at the hands of her husband.  In just a few lines of a story of a family of birds, the author gets the reader to feel what this woman goes through.

Only when she finally manages to flee her country, not knowing what had become of her father, what his last moments were like, does the child dare to take his name.

There are too many poignant moments like these, too many for me to list down. If you are looking for historical facts, or if you want to understand what the genocide was like, this book is not for you. But if you liked the Kite Runner or The Thousand Splendid Suns, I would seriously recommend this one.

This is one book I am sure to read again and again.



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The Casual Vacancy

The Casual Vacancy by J.K Rowling

I am a huge fan of the Harry Potter series. I have read the series thrice and surely think will read again and again in the years to come. I had put off watching the movies for quite sometime and watched them only in an attempt to get my son interested in reading the series. But that is another story.

When I heard that J K Rowling was coming up with a book on a completely different genre, to say I was intrigued would be an understatement. How could the creator of the world of Harry Potter think outside that world!!!

I felt the initial interest in the book would be because it was authored by J K Rowling. It might even make it to the best sellers list, but may still be a not-so-good book. So even when I had got hold of a copy, I pushed off reading it for a few months. I was both right and wrong. Right on understanding the initial interest and wrong to think that it could be a not-so-good book.

So, when I began to read it was with trepidation. And for a long time, hundred pages or so I was lost. A small village of Pagford with this petty politics and average characters. A bunch of kids, a few dysfunctional families and on and on in the same vein. I simply couldn't understand what the whole point of it was. I continued plodding maybe because I did not want to give up on her yet, or my nature to finish a bad movie or book till its end and pronounce it worthless, or she managed to hold the reader in some sublime way.

I do not understand at what point and how, but the story got under my skin. I kept thinking about Kristal and Andrew and Cubby and Kay. I panicked for Kristal when she felt trapped by her circumstances. It is very easy to denounce the addicts and their problems saying it was brought on by themselves. I wanted to hold Parminder by her shoulders and shake her "Look at your daughter!!!" I was completely puzzled with Stuart Walls' actions and never understood why he behaved like a prick.

I could go on and on, but will not summarise the plot here. But I will tell you this. This book makes you think. Think about others and their unique set of circumstances. It will make you pause before you get judgemental of your neighbour. It will make you understand that there is no clear line distinguishing the good and the bad. Its like a giant microscope on a small sample of the human race and shows what you see everywhere. Racism, drug abuse, bullying, the frustrations of the middle class, what obsessive compulsive disorder actually means, what really happens in an abusive household. You will relate these to things that you see around you. The book also shows hope and is not all gloom and doom.

I read in an interview of hers that the initial name of the book was to have been 'Responsibility'. But if you ask me, I would name it 'Empathy'. Or maybe that is my takeaway.

I rate it 4 out of 5 stars. It could easily have been 5 out of 5, but I really needed to plod on those first 100 pages with determination and that cost it one star.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A delightful read. The name of the book sure puts one off. When I picked it up, one of the blurbs read something on the lines of "You want the book to go on and on, don't want it to end". I heartily agree.

The whole book is in the form of letters. No narration, no long rants of anything. Just letters.

If you like fiction, then I would definitely recommend this.



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