Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the first book I have read in this genre but I do follow the author in her very popular Dear Therapist series in The Atlantic. I love the series and the insights it has to give.

Now that I have finished the book, I am amazed at how honest, transparent and vulnerable the author has been to put out the most raw and potentially insecure parts of her own life. That shows her strength of character and how rooted she is. Another thing that struck me about her was how she shifted her path not once, not twice, but thrice to find her true calling. Starting off as a writer in Hollywood, she then went to med school, and then to becoming a therapist investing years of work in each, excelling at each and figuring out what worked and what did not work for her.

Then there are the lives of her patients. She talks of them from a place of empathy and compassion and is honest enough to say when it is hard to have these with particularly difficult ones. As a reader, I could feel the pain, discomfort, shame that the patients did. There are SO MANY instances where I could relate to something in my own life or something I have witnessed with people in my circle. I shall not mention them all because there are way too many.

There are some things she has written which have stayed in my head. Forgive me for these are not direct quotes, but how I remember them.
- Change and loss travel together. How simple and how so loaded!!
- In the space between stimulus and response, is our choice. We cannot control the stimulus, but can always control the response.
- How we are prisoners in our own minds. Meaningful, positive outcomes come from opening the mind to other possibilities than the narrative we have always taken shelter in.
- How even the world of therapy has succumbed to the instant-results mantra of today. I was surprised though I shouldn't have been.
- There was a part in the book where she went strongly on how we are addicted to our devices. It felt like that part was written for me.

I feel I have to read the book again to understand the technical aspects which she sprinkles throughout in the context of specific instances with her patients or herself. I have to read it again to absorb some more.

Key take away from the book - the answers are within. Or maybe I have viewed it through that lens.
And looks like we could all benefit from some therapy.




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When healthy lifestyle is deemed uncool!!

For the most part of my life I was oblivious to taking care of my body and sailed along with all kinds of unhealthy habits. Perhaps the illusion of invincibility during youth does that to you. I made a switch to be watchful only very recently, and I say this to convey that I am not here to judge or demean the characters I seek to highlight here.

India Gate Quinoa Ads

This is the playlist of the India Gate Quinoa ad. A guy hogging on a bowlful of kebabs and thinking of paying his dues by early morning cardio. A lady having had three bowls of halwa and considering eating oats for breakfast, doing yoga, and paying the price by wearing salwar-kameez instead of jeans and t shirt. Another hero calculating a juicy burger's keemat with gym at 5 am, green tea, take his dog out for a walk/run. And all of them educate us ignorant masses that everything is under control because they are eating stuff made of quinoa!!! Nothing can touch them now!!!

I find this wrong and offensive at SO many levels. And I find it very unfortunate that a food brand actively reinforces so many unhealthy misconceptions.

My primary objection is to the whole idea that doing exercise is a punishment that detracts you from better things in life. Doing yoga, cardio, going to gym is NOT a huge sacrifice. It actually feels good after a workout people!!! To someone who is just beginning to exercise, it will seem like a torture session. That is just the mind's inertia. Once you cross that hurdle, in a few weeks time, you will look forward to your workout session.

Secondly, I am dismayed with the projection that just because something is made of quinoa, one can eat like there is no tomorrow. Ask any health or fitness professional, they will tell you this - there is no super-food that will keep you immune to piling on weight. It is a combination of smart choices, eating in moderation and exercising.If three bowls of moong dal halwa is wrong, so is three bowls of quinoa halwa. Period.

And finally, I am completely against the shaming of certain type of people. What is so uncool about salwar kameez? And why is jeans and tshirt superior? Why should the woman worry about her husband's roving eye to the sexy neighbour? Why does a man without six pack and with a paunch have to take his girlfriend to more expensive dates? When did these body types become so wrong? We are all normal people and we are all imperfect as per the mirage of perfect body that is thrust down our throats by media. Do this over and over again in digital and print media, you have a generation of people who only like to 'look' good and are not bothered about their physical and mental health.

I would love to see brands making ads within the framework of the greater good! Sell your quinoa, am not against marketing and branding. But do it the responsible way. Do not feed into the fears and insecurities of your audience and seek mileage out of it!

I would love to know your thoughts on this!

All the light we cannot see by Anthony Doerr

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A beautifully written book, haunting poetic prose with a very simple premise. Such few characters. The whole oppressive melancholy expressed in very muted fashion. And at the end it all tied together so well like zigzag puzzle. The blind Marie-Laurie and the brilliant Werner will stay in my heart for very long.



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Be the change you wish to see

This thought has been running in my head since morning and I had to try and put it into words. And when I did sit down to do so, my son asked me to look at the mouse-pad. It was very same thought!

When we encounter something that affects us, roils us up, saddens us, how do we act? After all the inner dialogue and perhaps discussion with peers on how wrong the event was, what do we do?

Some don't get affected. What happens in their surroundings does not matter much to them. I believe its called apathy. I am no one to judge anyone for being apathetic and my write up is not about it either.

There are some who just LOVE to crib. They can complain about anything and can blame the entire system for the state of affairs. Those are the very people who won't lift a finger to change anything for the better. Its easy to just complain and do nothing more. I know it is, because I did that till very recently.

And suddenly I understood one day, that its not enough to just complain. I need to do something about whatever it is that I don't like. It need not be a huge community altering change that I had to effect. Every small bit in whatever capacity I can, will help.

And with that, I had this second epiphany. I stopped complaining. Not because all problems vanished, but something inside me shifted.

Maybe that's why you will hardly see that the actual drivers of change hardly complain. They quietly do their work knowing fully well that things take time to ripen and mature. They are prepared to encounter and face challenges in the way and still continue their good work. They do not get bogged down or derailed by even the most vitriolic opposition. And by sheer will and good work, they inspire others to do the right thing.

Now I think I finally grasp these words 'Be the change you want to see in the world' by Gandhiji.

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Where do I start. Right at the beginning? The beginning is also at the end. How beautifully life comes a full circle.
I was drawn to Catherine who had to pay the price for being reckless in the rush of youth. I felt searing pain as Cyril grew up painfully shy and largely ignored.

But what hit me the most was the fear of being alone all life, never knowing love and companionship.

They say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. The casual bigotry by people who are not even aware of what they are doing, always being seen as aliens, always being in the defense of one's 'condition' was so hard to read, I had to take breaks, absorb and continue.

Not for a moment is the book depressive, the wry humour and narrative more than makes up for the heavy subject. I loved the way the whole story was narrated from every seventh year events.

A must-read book from my side.



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A viable alternative

Us women have this cross to bear, month after month, year after year and on and on till we get old. Yes, I am talking about periods, menstruation, chums or whatever you want to call it. A girl attains puberty and is quickly handed a pack of pads or tampons and taught by her mother about wearing it, keeping herself clean and how to carry herself. End of good, carefree life. Why, do you ask? Women are more active than ever. The 4-5 days do not mean that she is at home, cloistered and inactive. True. But think of the problems

There is the problem of disposal. Flushing down the toilet is a strict no-no. Wrapping and throwing it in the trash has its own problems. These do not biodegrade. These stay in the environment, rotting in the landfills, seeping into the soil, a breeding ground for bacteria and germs. I saw this first hand during a holiday to Andamans, in which we visited Neil Island. This island is sparsely populated, spic and span, you find entire pristine beaches without a soul in sight. The changing huts in the beach spoke another horror story though. The entire floor of the hut was strewn with used pads, smelling, rotting. They were dropped there by tourists like me. This ONE sight woke me up to the fact that the pads do not vanish. They are around us and the plastics in them are choking the environment slowly.
Something as natural as human blood and tissue logically cannot and should not lead to this much of unsustainable mess.

Second and more private problem is that of the smell. Pads smell awful after a few hours. The foul odor you notice when you change your sanitary pad after several hours is actually the smell of the dying red blood cells that nourish the growth of bacteria. You also develop bad odor during period because pads block the flow of air to your genital area.

What if I tell you there are better options out there to make this monthly experience easier, lesser cramps, and environmental friendly? Menstrual cup is one of the options.

A menstrual cup is a type of feminine hygiene product which is usually made of medical grade silicone, shaped like a bell and is flexible. It is worn inside the vagina during menstruation to catch menstrual fluid (blood). About every 4–12 hours (depending on the amount of flow), the menstruating woman removes the menstrual cup from her vagina, empties the collected menstrual blood into a toilet or sink, washes the cup under running water and inserts it again. At the end of the monthly period, the cup can be sterilized, usually by boiling in water. Unlike tampons and pads, the cup collects menstrual fluid rather than absorbing it.

I have been using menstrual cups for 3 years and

• I have none of the cramps that I did before making the shift. 
• I do have weird PMS and some lethargy during my period, but for the most time, I forget I am on my period. 
• I can sit, stand, walk, sleep however I want. I can turn and sleep however I want. No kidding. Women with heavy flow know what it is like to sleep with this constant prick about staining. None of that now. Really.
• I have nothing to dispose off. Zilch. No trash. No newspaper wrappings along with the trash. You know how liberating that is? You just walk into the loo and walk out. No surreptitious cover hidden in the folds of your clothes.
• No smell to deal with. Since there is no exposure to oxygen, the smell just does not come.
• No chafing and irritation and redness in thighs during the period. Simply because the offending pad does not exist anymore!
• The biggest plus I feel is it is environmental friendly. A cup can last several years if used and cleaned correctly.

So these are the pros. Are there no cons? Yes, there are some challenges, which can be handled.

• How easy is it to adapt? I will be honest here and admit that its not a breeze to getting used to a cup inside your vagina. You will need a lot of patience and some practice. But once you are used to the process, I promise, you will love the change.
• Are cups available in India? Yes of course. Many online sites have the cup and some even have guidance to select the right size.

                Select your cup size

• Are there videos explaining how to use? Yes, some links that I found

                 FAQ videos

                FAQs

• How expensive are the cups? Well, a cup costs several times a pack of pads will cost you, but you will more than compensate that within a year. Lets say your pads cost Rs 100 per month, and a cup costs Rs 800, after 8 months of using the cup, you have made up its cost. And it can last several years!!
• The sight of blood!!How bad will that be? Its not too awful, not anymore than handling the smelly pad during every change.
• Can we bathe, pee and poop with the cup ON? Of course! It does not impact any of the said activities. You can even go swimming!!
• Can young teenagers use the cup? Well, yes. They might have a bit more of a challenge since they are still gaining familiarity with their bodies. Technically the cup cannot tear the hymen if one is worried about this aspect. 
• Is there a support group for sustainable measures? Yes, this FB group 

            FB Support group

• Don't tampons do the same thing? Well tampons are still disposable and you end up contributing to the waste.

So are you willing to go the extra step and do the right thing? Help reduce plastic and needless waste? 

I did and no looking back now. I will never wear a pad again.

PS : The links given above are just those that I found. There are many more sites online. Please read up and choose the best option for you.

Six months on

Those who know me might describe me as short and on the heavier side at their charitable best. And those who don't would see a short and well obese woman. There were quite a few who tried to tell me to take care of my health in subtle and not so subtle means. Well meaning, I am sure, but ineffective because it did not motivate me at all.

And so, here I was, eating much more than what I ever used to, getting heavier and less confident in myself. Stamina was at an all time low. Just going out on an errand for a couple of hours would exhaust me for the whole day. Going for a walk felt miserable as I was low on energy and did not like the way I looked at all. I did not look forward to meeting people and dreaded social occasions. My demeanor had changed from a calm happy person to one who had anger issues. I had weekly headaches which had symptoms of mild migraine.

Till the day I started yoga six months ago. I chanced upon a private trainer who would come home and immediately signed up. And from then on, everything has only gotten better.

Jan 21 - Mar 20 2016
The first two months were tough. She would come 3 days a week and I had lots of aches and pains in the beginning. All I did the first two months were attend the classes. Did not go for walk, did not try to eat less, but automatically started eating less. Slowly I started feeling better, energy levels were up and headaches had vanished. I did not go near the weighing machine the first two months. I was scared there would be no change and I would get badly demotivated.

 Mar 21 - July 20 2016
End of two months(March 21), I felt I had improved somewhat in weight and energy and felt better about myself. I dared to check my weight. I started going for walks in the evening and slowly increased the duration of walks. Started doing yoga on the days my trainer did not come home.
I became more conscious about what I ate. Started a proper teatime snack at 4 pm(dates and rusk or makhana with tea), salad dinner a month back. Breakfast and lunch no change.  I did the 108 suryanamaskaars on June 21 and plan to do it at least once a month. I try and drink more water than I did before. I have incorporated Leslie walks and a few short routines in the evening. And am very happy to see a drop of 8 kg in 4 months. And with it, compliments and wishes to continue.

My major learnings :
1. Yoga really helped in increasing my stamina slowly. The aasans with right breathing do wonders to composure and calm the mind.
2. Clean eating came AFTER I saw results. I could never have started with a diet and yoga at the same time.
3. Hiring a private trainer was the best thing I did.
4. It took time for me to understand my body. I take more time and hence asked my trainer to change aasans once in two months rather than once a month.
5. I see that if I try to push a little, my body is willing to do better.
6. For me, I could not have started with a Leslie walk and continue it. The lack of stamina made it impossible.
7. Salad dinner got my digestive system right and I now have glowing skin!

And here I am, poised and confident about the rest of the journey.